“Friendship with benefits” or “What people are doing when they are afraid of relationships”

We are all the time wondering what is love and how to have perfect relationship.  We are believing ( at least somewhere deep in soul) to find our true love  and live happy ever after. Nevertheless, there is topic that is absolutely connected with love one. It is sex.

A lot of people are not talking about sex. I mean, of course, it is not closed topic at all;) But usually you don’t discuss it on a daily basis with some your classmates, for example. The girls don’t want to seem sluts, the guys are also pretending gentleman in most cases ( i am not talking about man’s company where it’s discussed in their own way, if u know what i mean). 

Let’s say directly: everybody wants to have sex and everybody thinks about sex. If the girl is saying that sex doesn’t mean anything for her, she is lying. It’s physiology: we can’t do anything with it. It was proven by scientists and maybe there are some weird exceptions but in most cases it’s our need like to eat and drink.

And it’s really cool when you are actually in relationships and have somebody to satisfy this need. For sure, it is the best thing ever: you love person and you are sharing yourself with him morally and physically. Perfect match! But to my regrets, not all of us are these lucky ones and able  to fight with all the circumstances and be with a person- it’s hard work.  That’s why a lot of people now are choosing to be “friends with benefits”. 

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I am sure you have heard about it “phenomenon of 21st century”. “Fucking buddies”/ “sex friends”/”netflix and chill friends”- a lot of names, but the meaning is the same: you are sleeping with each other without any commitments. You have some silent agreement that you are not obliged anything to each other. You are not couple. If somebody is asking you, you are both almost screaming: “No, we are single!!!” “It’s just sex, nothing more”- that’s what you are repeating all the time to each other. But is it true? is concept working?

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Even that sex is a physical thing, it is still emotions. You still needa like the person: there is no sense to sleep with a person that you don’t have any chemistry to. Simply it will not be good:) If you are having just physical attraction, maybe the concept will work: but it will not be for long. If you don’t have anything in common, you will just get tired of each other or better: will meet somebody that you will fall in love. In this case, it is kinda ideal for a short time, but I feel sorry for people who are deciding to live their life like this: they are desperately lonely ones, because sex will never replace real love, no matter how great it is.

There is another case, when, for example, girl in love with a guy and guy just wants to have sex. She is deciding that only now he wants just sex, but after some time he will know her better and, I dunno, miracle will happen and they will have their happy end with a big house and bunch of kids. I have never been in this situation, so can’t tell you the end of these stories. But i think most of “these stories” are still ending with broken heart and couple liters of tears.

The most desperate case, as for me, is when both people like each other. They are  attracted by each other, they want to be with each other, but something is holding them back. It can be millions of reasons: they can have bad experience of previous relationship and just be afraid or they can just not see future in their relationship of some external reasons. But then the concept is being ruined step by step. You are getting emotionally connected: you are going for coffee, lunches, watching movies, telling about your plans, having your own private jokes and expressions that nobody understands.You are spending nights together with sweet mornings: when you can’t get up from the bed: just repeating “I needa go, right now I’m leaving” and then cuddling and kissing even more.  

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A first month it can work. You will have euphoria and this “summer romance” will give you amazing motivation in everything. But then one of you will start loosing patience: somebody will become jealous and will be hiding it( we are not in relationship, no commitments), somebody will want to hang out more, but will hide it as well( we are not in relationship, I am already too pushy). It will start being painful.

And then there are two scenarios. You just need to finish it and have two broken hearts. Or you can try be a normal couple. At least it will be a chance that you will have some happy end.

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“Friendship with benefits” is the illness of 21st century. We are thinking that it will be our medicine, but then it is becoming our poison. Everybody has emotions and we can’t do anything with this. So please, don’t be stupid. You can have one night stand, I am not against this. But if you like somebody and have now “fucking buddies” relationship, stop it. Talk with a person and maybe he is also thinking the same and was just afraid to tell you. If not, you will move on and be one step closer to the person that is really deserving you.

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Lydia

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