Coming home late. Dirty dishes in the sink, dress that you wanted to wear on the floor “oh, damn, forgot to close the window and now it’s Lapland here”. Your cat is running to you as it is super hungry: “Wait, dear, I brought you your food, just let me wash my hands”
Going to the bathroom and taking the tiny piece of soap: “Need to buy soap: don’t need to forget to write it down into my shopping list” Trying to find cat’s food and understanding that you forgot it in the bus. “That’s a small thing, don’t get sad”- you are persuading yourself and going to the fridge to take some milk. The cat is looking at you with the greatest disappointment in its big green eyes, but still with hope that you are not so impossible. You are trying the milk and immediately spitting it out with a scream:” Oh, Gosh, so disgusting!!”-it expired 5 days ago and you didn’t even notice it. If you cat can do the facepalm, it would definitely do it now. You see the last can of tuna that you bought “just in case”, opening it and giving to your cat. It is still looking at you “Ok, that can work, but I am still disappointed in you” and slowly starts eating it.
You are going to the room to change into your comfy home clothes: “damn, from where this dirty spot appeared?” “Oh, yeah, I put it yesterday and forgot to wash it” You are understanding that all your clothes are dirty and you haven’t done laundering for a while: you are taking all of it from the floor and just randomly put it into a washing machine. After switching it on, you are trying to find smth to wear and finding in the wardrobe only the t-shirt of your ex. Your cat is doing facepalm again.
You are going to the kitchen, start watching the dishes and then hear Skype call. Looking at the watch,” Shit, I got a work call”, you are brokenly running to the laptop. “Thank God, no video”- one hour of talking, planning and discussing what can be done. You are smiling, making jokes and on the question: ” How are you?” you answer “Awesome as usual” even though you used all your super powers not to cry, not to complain, not to give up and fly somewhere where nobody knows you.
Work, gym, classes in university, classes of Japanese, your website that you are still trying to maintain. A piano that you are trying to sell as you want another one, guitar that is under the layer of dust as you don’t have time, vocal lessons that are postponed every day. Problems with visa, problems with friends, the guy that you are in love with, doesn’t want you, the guys that are in love with you, you don’t need. Made a snap here, posted a pic on Instagram, wrote a Facebook post- so much pretending, so much showing off that you are a happy person. Smiling everywhere- sometimes it’s not real, it’s more a habit. It’s more the habit not to open up, it’s more a fear to open up.
Running, running, running. Will it stop? Will you live? Will you reach your goal one day or it will never end? One goal accomplished, another one is appearing. It is like to try to beat Usain Bolt in running: you are trying, but you will always be the second one.
You are trying to be perfect: you can’t afford yourself to relax. You want people to admire you, you want people to follow your example: how many times you have already heard the phrase: “you change my life”?
Most of the people are not understanding you: they believe that you are just lucky. When you are telling your stories, it looks so easy. It looks like every person can achieve it. You were having only one person that was understanding it. You opened up to him as never done before, showed your evils and he left. You just started using this pain as the battery of your superpowers.
Yeah, it’s good to change the world, yeah, it’s good to help people. But have you thought that sometimes it’s better to think about yourself? You have one life and you should be selfish sometimes, selfish for your own happiness.
Maybe one day you can skip the gym if it’s not making you happy and go for a wine and pizza? Maybe one day you need to take a day off and spend it in bed doing nothing? Maybe one day you should forget about social media? Maybe one day you need to stop being polite with some people and just say everything to their faces?
Life is pretty short. We think that it’s long but it can end in any moment. Do what you love to do, say what you want to say. Don’t chase the unchasable perfection, don’t blame yourself for weaknesses. We are people, we are making mistakes by default. Remember: all happy stories have started with millions of mistakes, all amazing things have been invented by people that didn’t try to persuade smb in smth. Stop and look around: you don’t need the half of the things to be happy. So just be happy.